


Here We Are Again

by captainkatieb



Category: Actor RPF, Star Trek RPF
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Press Tour
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-17
Updated: 2016-07-17
Packaged: 2018-07-24 12:51:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7508968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captainkatieb/pseuds/captainkatieb
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chris overhears a conversation and it makes him wonder if he was having more of an effect than he thought.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Here We Are Again

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to [semperama](http://archiveofourown.org/users/semperama) for the beta read and [AnotherFraud](http://archiveofourown.org/users/AnotherFraud/pseuds/AnotherFraud) for the cheerleading.

“Well...what do you expect me to do, Miles? We’ve always been this way. I’m not going to change now because you tell me too.”

Chris pauses in the corridor, a faint look of confusion on his face. The door he knows belongs to Zach’s suite is ajar slightly, a faint rectangle of light shining out into the semi-darkness of the hall. He knows he should continue walking, should forget he heard anything, but he can’t help himself. He’s curious. They’ve been in London for less than a day and Zach’s seemed distracted throughout.

Zach’s voice falls softer, and Chris hesitates for a moment before stepping closer to the open door.

“...look I don’t expect you to understand but if you can’t live with it then I’m not sure what we’re going to do. I - “ Zach cuts off abruptly.

The sound of drawers opening and closing reaches Chris’ ear. He can imagine what is happening, can imagine Zach leaning up against the side of the table, the stressed look he gets on his face, phone pressed between his ear and shoulder. He’s been in the room for many of these phone calls before, has been on the other end of the line and heard the same sounds he’s hearing now. He can’t help but wonder if he’s the cause of the stress in his voice, if he’s been too much the last week.

Being in Zach’s presence again has been electrifying, like there’s so  _ much _ that could happen. He’s been trying to keep it down, keep the touches less, keep it seeming more...normal. Not that they were ever normal to begin with. They fell into whatever this was between them the first time with abandon, and the second like it was no time at all. There’s been more time between the last one and this one, more time for them to grow distant. Chris would be lying to himself if he thought that it would all be the same. He’s changed, he knows he has. He’s feeling more content with the world, with himself. He’s found a balance he likes, and he knows that his confidence and surety has thrown Zach off. Can see the confusion when he smiles and teases Zach in front of the camera. He still can’t help doing it, even though he knows it’s making him uncomfortable.

Chris is so lost in his own thoughts that he doesn’t register the angry goodbye Zach snaps out until he hears the door creaking as it’s been jerked open.

He scrambles upright from where he was leaning against the side of the door, and can feel the heat flooding his cheeks. That’s admission of guilt right there, and he only hopes Zach is distracted enough to not realise what he was doing.

“Chris?” Zach asks, standing in the open doorway with a raised eyebrow.

“Uh, hey Zach, we’ve got ah, like there’s a thing…” Chris trails off, scratching at his face. 

Zach just waits, a blank look on his face.

Chris sighs, deflating. “Okay fine. I was heading back to grab something from my room and couldn’t help but overhear. I wasn’t intending on listening, it just happened, and now I’m sorry, okay?”

Zach doesn’t respond, though Chris notices that his hand has clenched tighter on the side of the door.

“Zach?” Chris asks, a hint of worry creeping into his voice.

There’s a mix of emotions flashing across Zach’s face - pain, anger, longing - before Zach suddenly turns and goes back inside, leaving the door open behind him. Chris takes this as an invitation, stepping inside and pulling the door shut behind him.

“Zach?” he repeats, following him across to the couch and hesitating for a moment before crouching down.

Zach has his head in his hands, phone abandoned on the coffee table in front of him.

“I...can’t have you so close, Christopher,” Zach says, voice breaking slightly on the words.

Chris doesn’t respond; this wasn’t what he expected Zach to say. He sits back on his heels, biting his tongue, heart hammering in his chest. The air is heavy with tension, with more unspoken words, with expectation. He’s not sure if he should go and try and pretend that this isn’t happening. He’s a good actor, but he’s not sure if he’s that good.

“You…” Zach starts, before trailing off, head still in his hands. “It’s too much,  _ wanting _ and not being able to have. You...have no idea...what you are doing…”

“I...I have some idea,” Chris admits softly. “Old habits die hard, huh?”

“Christopher,” Zach breaths, finally looking up to meet his gaze.

Chris is taken aback again at what he sees there, the indecision. Reaching a hand out, he decides to take a risk. He places his hand on Zach’s knee, brushing his fingers in an echo of that Sydney interview. He feels Zach’s flinch and knows he’s right about this at least. That Zach’s noticed and he doesn’t know what to do about it.

“What did Miles say?” Chris asks, eyes not leaving Zach’s face.

“He wants me to stop. To stop...hanging out with you. Being near you.”

“And?”

There’s a pause, and Chris feels like that Zach hasn’t actually decided what he was going to say or do, that he thought he’d have more time before being made to admit to whatever was between them. If Zach told him to go, told him that he agreed, then Chris would accept it. Would accept that they had their chance, that he couldn’t have what he wanted anymore. That all those stolen moments on set were the last and that this is it. He would stand up and walk out that room, and yeah, probably go console himself in a bar for a while, but he would do that because Zach asked.

“I told him I can’t do that.”

Chris let out a breath he wasn’t aware he was holding. Relief courses through him, relief and guilt. Guilt that he was the cause of the argument, the cause of the rift between them, but he really couldn’t bring himself to care.

“Zach…” Chris starts, still hesitant. He shifts forward, bringing his other hand up to rest against Zach’s cheek, brushing his thumb gently across Zach’s chin. He feels Zach press into his hand, just a fraction, but it’s enough. “Can I?”

Zach’s nod is minute, but Chris feels it, feels it through his palm, can see it in Zach’s gaze. 

He leans forward, shifting up slightly from his crouch so he’s hovering over Zach now. Leaning down he brushes his mouth against Zach’s. He notices that Zach’s eyes have flicked closed, like he is waiting for absolution, like Chris can be the one to deliver it to him. He feels the release of air from Zach, and it flips a switch.

Zach’s hand grabs a fistful of Chris’ shirt and  _ tugs _ . It’s all Chris can do to not lose his balance completely, hand slipping from Zach’s face to catch himself against the back of the couch. He ends up straddling Zach’s lap, a knee planted on either side in a way that should have been awkward but just heightens how much Chris had missed this. Had missed being this close, had missed having permission to cup the back of Zach’s head and run his fingers through his hair. 

Zach tugs again, and Chris gets the message. He kisses him again, longer this time, more demanding. Zach groans and kisses back, forcing Chris’ mouth open. It’s hungry and desperate, Zach’s arm snaking around Chris’ back to pull him impossibly closer.

“Zach…” Chris breathes, drawing back to gasp down air.

“Say it again,” Zach demands.

“Zachary,” Chris says, kissing across Zach’s cheek until he got to Zach’s neck. He bites down on Zach’s flushed skin. Zach hissed in response, his hand digging into the skin at Chris’ back. 

Chris feels Zach’s forehead drop down onto his own shoulder in response. Zach’s body is heaving as he gasps in short, shallow breaths. It isn’t until Chris feels the dampness seep through his shirt that he realises Zach is crying, that the way Zach was clinging to him had shifted to a different type of desperation. It’s one Chris recognises, the need to know you’re not alone, of needing to know someone else is there.

“Zach, Zachary, it’s okay,” Chris says gently, hand releasing the hair he was gripping to cradle Zach’s head instead. “I’ve got you. It’s okay. It’s going to be okay. I’ve got you. I’ve  _ got _ you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading.
> 
> I can be found over at my [tumblr here](www.captainkatieb.tumblr.com).


End file.
